Relationships and Disabilities

Someone once said" a relationship is like a rose flower, you water it, care for it and nurture it for it to keep living and blooming." What a powerful quote, don't you think? As we go through life we experience many diffent relationships whether it be with family, freinds, teachers, colleges, or with someone on a romantic level; but how do we maintain one of these relationship as a person with disabilities?

What will I Discuss in this Blog?

In this blog I am going to talk about my experience with relationships, advice on ways to master a relationship, and what I feel is the most important type of relationship.

My Relationship Experience

Finding and maintaining a relationship has never really been a strong point for me. I mean, I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and sister which comes naturally, but with anyone outside my family is a different story. As a little girl, I will admit that I was a pretty shy person and often preferred to be by myself when I wasn't with my family because it felt safer than putting myself out there. Where as other kids my age could easily walk up to another kid and start a conversation about anything with ease; I would be the complete opposite with it taking all of my energy to think and engage in a conversation for a longer

period of time.As I got older I began to step out of my shell and even though I still was not best at having small talk I managed to make some acquaintances in each of my classes, but hey at least I stepped out of my shell and met people my own age.

Now that I am an adult, I have really stepped out of my shell and am trying to find friends in a new way. I am sure that many if not all of you have heard of the millions of dating apps or websites where you can meet people online, well they now have some of these types of resources for people like me who are no interested in a romantic relationship, but interested in finding someone like us to develop a long term friendship with that are in the surrounding areas where you live. I have tried a few of these different sites like the friend version of bumble and didn't really get an swipes showing that someone  is interested in meeting you after a few months. More resently, I found an app with the help of my mom called Hey! VINA that is a friend making site for women which sees what other women are in your area with the same type of interests as you. Then if two people swipe yes you want to meet to eachother's profile then you become friends. So far I matched up with the same interests as three other women; but haven't gotten a reply back yet when I reached out to them. I know that no matter what whether it be one of these laddies or someone completely different that God will bring the perfect friend into my life when the time is right.

Tips for Mastering any Type of relationship

In my opinion, meeting someone to have a relationship with is the easy part of the whole process. The more challenging parts come after this stage when it is time to work towards maintaining that relationship in a way that doesn't seem like you are trying too hard;but still allows you to take the different steps when nesesary in order to keep it living and blooming. I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination as I am still working on finding a long lasting freind of my own, but here are some things I  recommend trying, which includes;

• Be true and authentic self
•  Being honest
• Communicating 
• Value each others interests 
• Trust your instincts
• Listen to learn instead of listening to respond
• Be open minded
• Be there for the other person

These are just a few of the many many relationship rules that I believe can help us master any type of relationship.

Digging in deeper

Really quick before we move on to our last section of this blog post, I want to dig into each ballet point and provide information to help everyone understand why I chose these eight rules out of several other options.

Be your true and authentic self

I don't know about you guys, but people who act like someone their not turns me away from having any interest in making friends with them. Just act like yourself. If you are really smart then show it, if you are creative and/or handy then use it to your advantage, or if you are someone who has a fun and adventurous like me then don't be afraid to express it in that relationship. People will really enjoy being around you whether it be some sort of freindship or a relationship on a romantic level if we just be our authentic selves.

Be Honest 

One of biggest things I find really important when dealing with relationships is to be honest all the time. To me I feel that it is always the better choice to be honest about making a mistake, for example instead of lying about it or keeping it from the other person. There is this one saying that says " trust is earned, not given" which I believe starts with being honest. After all, keeping a secret or lying about something never turns out well for the characters in movies.

Comutmuticating

Communicating with one another is a good way to keep the relationship living and blooming. Talking is one of our main resources of communication that helps us interact with each other, get to know that person, and making your needs known. 

Value Each Others Interests

Not everyone is the same. We all have our different interests that makes us who we are in the world. Which is a good thing because other wise we would be like a bunch of robots that are doing, acting, and thinking the exact same way which isn't the type of world we want to live in. Being in a relationship there will be things that both of you like to do and things that one person likes to do, but not the other and that is ok. The important thing to keep in mind is the whether we like the activity or not, we should at least try to show interest in what the other person enjoys doing.

Trust Your Instincts

No one knows you better than you which is why is important to be in tune with your body. By doing this you will be able to determine if someone will be good for you by how your energy feels when around that other person, automaticly know what your body needs at any given moment, and make different desicions. When meeting someone new, I always feel into my energy and the energy of the other person to see if it is someone I can see hanging out with as a friendship. If that person is not someone who is encouraging, open minded, and kind then there is no place in my life for those type of people. Always trust in your instinct because nine out of ten times our instinct is correct.

Listen to Learn instead of Listening to Respond

There is a big difference between people who listen to what other people are talking about in order to learn and understand what is being said vs someone who listens to respond. Believe it or not there are actually a few way that you can tell the difference between these two types of people. A person who is listening to learn have characteristics which includes;

• Paying attention to the person who is talking
• Listen with their body by turning their body towards the person talking and make eye contact, lean towards them, smile, and say something like really? Uh-huh, go on, etc when appropriate to let that person know you are listening.
• Not interrupting
• Repeat what they said in a quick summary back to them or in your head before providing your opinion.

Were as people who are listening to respond are more focused on how they are go to respond that they don't fully listen to what the other person is saying that the other person ends up having to repeat themselves several times. Check out this website for ideas of how to be a good listener.

Be Open Minded 

I find that being open minded is a wonderful characteristic to have when dealing with relationship. Everyone has there own opinions, beleifs, and ways they choose to do things in the world. By being open minded allows for more learning opportunities, conversations,and fun experiences in life.

Be There for the Other Person instead of trying to fix them

Life is going to bring moment that are challenging. When someone is going through a tough time it is a good to provide advice to that person and then be there for that person instead of trying to fix them because everyone has the freedom to make their own decisions of how they choose to live their life.

The Best Relationship in the World

Throughout life, people come and go across our paths to serve a purpose whether it be for a short amount of time or for a longer period until that purpose is fulfilled. Some of these people can be complete strangers, others may be classmates, and yes some of these people could have formed into different types of relationships. Then when it come closer to the time that the purpose is being fulfilled, something happens whether one of you moves, you some how loose their contacts when getting a new phone, or just end up drifting apart. This happened to me a few times with some people that came across my path in which became friendships that lasted many years each until one day we stopped staying in touch. The one type of relationship though, that will stay with us no matter what happens in our life is the relationship we have with ourselves.

A little while back when I was first trying to get on Social Security for my disabilities, I sat down with a gentlemen to do an evaluation to see if I qualified( which I did) and one of the questioned he asked me was something along the lines of " do you have any friends that you like to hang out? There was a moment of silence before I finally replied"no, I am more of a lone wolf.Making friends is not really easy for me even though I put myself out there." He tilted his head as if I were weird or something and asked " if I was ok with that?" From that point I confidently said " yes" and we continued with the evaluation.

As we go through our daily life so many people look for happiness from external sources like surrounding themselves with friends or with tons of material possessions in which they don't really feel like they found the true feeling of happiness that they were seeking. Even with everything that I experienced as a child between my disabilities and not really making freinds,I have always been an extremely happy person because I found internal happiness with having a relationship with myself.

To Conclude 

Different types of relationships will appear into our lives  when God feels it is the right moment. As we go about this week, I challenge everyone to do two things.  The first thing I want you to do is take the first steps by putting out there on one of these friend or dating sites to see who you may meet. Secondly, I ask that everyone to start a routine like meditation to help build a relationship with yourself. By following the advice I gave you in this blog, you will then be able to master any relationship as a person with disabilities.

Happy New Years from Alyssa-bilities

 

We made it guys! Another year we can add to history.It has defilently been one fast, crazy, and unpredictable year for sure with Covid, the riots, and the election being the top three biggest events that happened this year alone. I still can't believe that we are already saying " Good Bye" to 2020 and welcoming 2021 into our world. Looking back over these last 12 months, many people may say it was absolutely horrible and for many it probably was; but when I look back at the kind of year my family has had, I see many different ways God has blessed us through this crazy time and I am excited to see what he has in store for us in 2021.

What will I Cover in this Blog?

Life is like an unpredictable rollercoaster that is filled with twists, turns, high moments where we are feeling good about everything around us, low moments where we feel overwhelmingly sad, scary moments that we really don't know how to handle, and times that just sends us through a loop. The hard part about this is that we are riding this rollercoaster; but we are doing so as if we were blindfolded with the only way of knowing where we are at is by how we feel and what we are experiencing in that present moment without knowing what will happen next.

I find this to fit into our situation right now with the tragedies that are taken place and how people are feeling about everything that is going on in this world. Don't you agree? As we kick start this new year, I want to provide everyone with some tips we can use throughout the year to ensure that we make 2021 a good year as we start discovering our true selves.

In this blog, I am going to discuss three things I encourage everyone to keep in mind, provide a few ways to help lift ourself up when going through a tough time,  give a glimpse into what I am going to manifest for 2021, and end with a challenge to help everyone have a rocking year.

Things to Keep in Mind this Year

  There are so many different possibilities for what is in store for us in 2021. It is up to us though to decide if we are going to continue to live life the same way we have in previous years or to take the nessasary steps to change habits that haven't worked for us in the past into ones that are benificial towards helping us in creating the life that we desire. Personal development is one of my favorite topics to learn about because there are so many categories that are amazing by themselves, but when they are put together it creates something amazing. With this, there are three things that we have to keep in mind when getting started on our personal development that I think will help everyone throughout these next 12 months and hopefully for the rest of our life. These reminders include;

1. We are in control of nobody, but ourself
2. We are the change we want to see in the world
3. Practice make perfect

Digging Deeper

These three reminders are the biggest things that will help us in creating the life that we truly want to live. So many times people get angry at others for something they did or didn't do in which they can't really do anything about, see something that they would like to see in the world, but don't take the steps nessasary in hopes that someone else will step into the role to make the change, or they have something they want to accomplish and they start working towards it, but doesn't stick with it. Personal development follows the same rules in a way that we see on the stickers and what the flight attandent tells us on airplanes for the oxygen masks that says something along the lines of " put your mask on first, so then you are available to help others". Any change we want to make in life whether it be personal, family or friend related, and worldly all have one thing in common; change starts with ourself. The thing I find tricky is how do we stay motivated to making this change when we are going through a tough time?

Ways to Lift Ourselves back up When We are going Through a Tough Time

For my family, 2019 will always be known as the worst year for us with experiencing my sister's death and trying to deal with all the emotional hardships that came with the grieving process. During this time though, we learned a few different ways that helped to lift ourselves up. These methods include;

• Going for a drive in our favorite spot
• Getting out in nature in some way
• Doing a meditation, reiki, or EFT tapping session.
• Playing the greatful game where we take turns naming of something we are greatful for in the world until we run out of things to say. It can be big or small things.
• Creating a greatful board of things you are greatful for in your life that is someplace you can easily access it.

By doing these different activites helped us to disconnect from our daily life;even if it was just for a little while, helped us clear our mind, and allowed us to get out of the house. These are really good ways to easily lift ourselves up when we are going through a tough time, so we can continue to be motivated in making the changes we want to see in our life. 

What am I Going to Manifest into my Life in 2021?

Each day we are manifesting expiriences situations, and objects into our life that are both good and bad whether we realize it or not. In fact, this year already my family has already started manifesting two things on our list that we want to see in our life this year. It is really cool when we are just sitting down talking with one another about different things we want to do and within that same day we either make the decision out of no where to do that thing we said we want to do sometime or we see different things online about that activity.

Thinking about the year ahead of us, I have a good feeling that it is going to be a wonderful year, even with everything that is going on around the world because I am going to make it one. Alongside the manifestation list I created with my family, I have also set a new years resolution that is my own personal goal of comfortably fitting into size 10 clothing. I will do this by eating healthier, doing portion control, and excersing 3 day a week. By setting this goal for myself will give me something personal to work towards accomplishing while doing something I love this year.

To Conclude

Let's make this year a good year everyone. Yes, there is a lot going on in the world right now, but there is not a lot we can do about it at the moment. The more we focus on all the negativity, more situations that are negative will appear in our lives. Instead, let's shift our focus to something positive with a challenge, shall we? Tonight I want everyone to think about a personal goal that you want to achieve for the soul purpose of you and nobody else. Once you have your goal I want you to set a time frame and how you will accomplish this goal. Lastly I want you to put something that will remind you of your goal, step, and timeframe someplace where you can see it everyday. Happy New Year Everyone!